Flourishing Through Menopause

The Symptom I Didn’t Expect to Fear

Hot flashes were bad…but I think mood swings are worst.

I’ve had a few menopause symptoms, and none of them are pleasant. My sister’s friend once told her that the hot flashes were so intense she felt like walking into traffic. That might be an exaggeration… but you get the picture.

It’s not just heat… It’s overwhelm… It’s the kind of discomfort that makes you want to escape your own body.

For me, every symptom has its own challenge. And luckily, most of them are gone…primarily the hot flashes…since I started hormone replacement therapy (HRT).

Side note: I’m not promoting HRT. I’m simply sharing what’s worked for me so far. I know not everyone can use it or wants to, and I respect that. I’m always open to learning new things, so please feel free to share what works for you.

The Visitor I Can’t Predict

On the days I change my patch…or when it’s simply wearing off…that’s when the symptom creeps in. The one I try the hardest to outrun. The one that truly scares me.

Mood swings.

Not one kind. That’s the problem.

Sometimes it’s a low mood…like a fog rolling in. Other times it’s agitation, sadness, or a burst of contentment … so sudden it feels suspicious.

And then there are moments of balance, where everything feels okay, even good. You think, Yes, I’m fine. I’m in control. But you learn not to trust those moments either. Because they can shift in an instant.

That’s what scares me. Not the mood itself…but the unpredictability.

Even if it only lasts an hour, that hour can feel like forever. You can’t see beyond it. You think it’s you. You think it’s permanent.

And even though you know…deep down that it’s hormonal, that it will pass… you still forget who you are.

In post menopause, estrogen isn’t just low, it fluctuates in response to treatment. And because estrogen influences serotonin, endorphins, and emotional regulation, even small dips, like when a patch wears off…can trigger mood changes.

The patch helps, but when it fades, so do you.

And that’s the ache. The betrayal of your own chemistry. The way it rewrites your sense of self, even when you know better.

Biochemistry of Mood: How Estrogen Shapes Emotion in Post Menopause

Mood swings are a natural part of life, shaped by everything from stress and sleep to relationships and hormones.

Most people experience emotional shifts throughout the day or week, even without a clinical condition. It’s part of being human.

But in menopause, especially post menopause…those shifts can feel sharper, more unpredictable. It’s not just emotional. It’s biochemical.

Estrogen is one of the primary hormones that are affected by menopause. It plays a key role in regulating serotonin and norepinephrine. These two neurotransmitters influence mood, energy, and emotional resilience.

When estrogen dips, even slightly, those brain chemicals can misfire. The result? Sudden waves of sadness, irritability, anxiety, or even bursts of joy that feel suspiciously out of place.

And when you’re using hormone therapy such as a patch…those fluctuations can be even more noticeable.

As the patch wears off or is replaced, your body recalibrates. That recalibration can feel like emotional whiplash.

What makes it so hard isn’t just the mood itself…it’s the unpredictability. The way it hijacks your sense of self.

Even when you know it’s hormonal, even when you’ve lived through it before… it still catches you off guard sometimes.

The Warning That Wasn’t Enough

“Watch for mood swings,” they said. That was it.

After my surgery, my doctor told me to “watch for mood swings.”

I hadn’t really experienced them before…or at least not to my limited understanding of what I thought mood swings looked or felt like.

So, when she said that, I brushed it off. I thought, how hard can it be? I’ve got this. Turns out, I didn’t “got this.” Turns out, mood swings are sneaky.

They don’t knock. They don’t announce themselves. They just show up. Sometimes in the middle of a conversation, sometimes while I’m sitting at work, sometimes when I’m doing absolutely nothing.

And suddenly, I’m not myself. I’m irritable. Or weepy. Or flat. Or euphoric. And it is unsettling, because I don’t know how long it’ll last.

The Moment I Didn’t Recognize Myself

Sadness with no reason. Peace with no permanence.

I remember one afternoon, not long after my surgery, sitting on the edge of my bed with tears streaming down my face.

Nothing had happened. No fight. No bad news. Just a wave of sadness that felt like it came from nowhere.

My husband walked in and asked, “Are you okay?” And I said, “I don’t know.” That was the truth. I didn’t know. I couldn’t tell if it was me or the hormones. I couldn’t tell if it would pass or if I was sinking.

Another time, I felt so content…so deeply and peacefully okay…that I thought, This is it. I’m healed. I’m done with the swings.

There are more peaceful days now, thanks to HRT. But when a mood swing hits, peace feels like a distant memory.

Because the hormones still fluctuate. And with that comes the agitation. The restlessness. That unbearable itch to change everything…right now or burst. It’s exhausting. It’s confusing. And it feels like it’s not even mine.

The Symptom We Don’t Talk About Enough

Why is mood instability treated like a footnote?

And it’s not just me.

I’ve read about other women…some in surgical menopause, some in natural transition…who’ve experienced the same emotional rollercoaster. One woman said she felt like she was losing her mind.

She was prescribed a mild antidepressant, but it made her feel disconnected…not just from the world, but from herself and her loved ones.

This is a real symptom of menopause, especially for those of us in surgical menopause.

So why is mood instability treated like a footnote in menopause literature, when for many of us, it’s the headline?

I wonder if part of it is shame. We’re taught to be stable. To be pleasant. To be predictable. And when we’re not, we feel like we’re failing. Like we’re falling apart. Like we’re too much.

So, we don’t talk about it. Or maybe we honestly don’t understand what we’re feeling…and it’s easier not to talk about it than to try to explain something we don’t have the words for.

The Truth I’m Naming Now

We’re not failing. We’re recalibrating.

You know what? We’re not failing. We’re going through something we’ve never been through before. We’re changing. We’re recalibrating.

Mood swings aren’t a character flaw. They’re a symptom. A hormonal storm. A temporary distortion of emotional clarity. And the more we name them, the less power it has over your life.

That’s why I’m writing this. Not to complain. Not to dramatize. But to try to name something that, oftentimes, I can’t put into words.

And to say: This is real. Sometimes it’s hard. And you’re not alone.

Your Turn

Let’s turn the fog into language.

If you’re in surgical menopause, did your doctor warn you about mood swings? Did they give you tools to cope? Did they tell you it might feel like you’re losing yourself?

Mine didn’t. They said, “Watch for mood swings.” That was it. No roadmap. No guide. Just a vague warning and a pat on the back.

So, I made my own guide. I started tracking my moods. I started talking to other women. I started writing…sometimes in the middle of the night, curled up in bed with my phone, when I should be sleeping but my brain wants to write.

That’s how this blog started. That’s how I found my voice again.

And now I want to hear yours.

What’s been your scariest menopause symptom? What surprised you the most? What do you wish someone had told you?

Let’s name it together. Let’s turn the fog into language.

Because even if the mood swing only lasts an hour, that hour is big—and it matters. And so do you.

The Menopause Symptom That Scares Me Most: Mood Swings