Y'all. Let me tell you about the most hilariously humbling moment I've had in a while.
Saturday Night Date Night
My husband and I are at our favorite spot. Weekend date night. Quiet, intimate, good food, good
conversation.
We're just relaxing.
And then SHE walks in.
Full black jumpsuit. Skintight. Black hair cascading down her back like she's in a shampoo
commercial.
But honey, what got my attention?
That round, firm, perfect butt.
I couldn't look away.
The Confidence I Should Not Have Had
I turn to my husband.
"Babe. Do you remember when my butt looked like that?"
He doesn't even hesitate. "It still does."
Bless this man.
I look at her again. Then back at him.
"Okay but seriously, when you see HER, what do you think? Because I think she's really hot."
He looks at me like I've lost my entire mind.
"I don't know what YOU'RE thinking because she is not hotter than you. I'm not missing
anything."
The Moment I Got TOO Confident
Y’all, he said it with such sincerity.
My heart swelled… My gratitude was OVERFLOWING. This man loves me exactly as I am.
So naturally, sitting right there at the dinner table, I leaned in and whispered:
"I am going to f* you SO good tonight just for that.
His whole face lit up.
And then...
Record scratch.
The Realization Hit IMMEDIATELY
Before we even paid the check.
Before we even stood up to leave.
Right there, still sitting at the table, reality smacked me upside the head:
My mouth just wrote a check my body absolutely cannot cash.
My MIND was ready. My EMOTIONS were ready. My GRATITUDE was through the roof.
But my body?
My body said: "Girl. Absolutely not."
I was flatlined.
Zero. Zilch. Nada. Nothing happening down there. Not even a flicker.
My body was like "cute speech, but I'm taking the night off."
The Awkward Follow-Up
So, there I am, sitting across from my now VERY excited husband, and I have to immediately
backtrack.
"Um... babe?"
"Yeah?" (He's grinning like he just won the lottery.)
"I'm gonna need to take a raincheck on that."
Pause.
"...A raincheck?"
"Yeah. Like... immediately. Right now."
" Before we even leave this restaurant? What happened in the last 30 seconds?"
"I just realized my libido is entirely in my HEAD and not actually in my BODY."
You are not home yet, how can you tell? The body knows…
This Is Menopause, Y'all
This is what menopause looks like… live and in living color:
Your BRAIN can be 100% on board. Your EMOTIONS can be fully engaged. Your LOVE for
your partner can be overflowing.
And your body can be like: "lol no."
Not "maybe if we try." Not "give me a minute to warm up."
Just flat-out, completely, absolutely: No…Not tonight
It's not about attraction. It's not about desire. It's not about love.
It's about estrogen.
And when estrogen is off…whether from menopause, surgical menopause, or in my case from the pharmacy switching my HRT brand to one that doesn't seem to work for my body…your mind and your body can be living in two completely different realities.
My mind was writing romantic poetry.
My body was asleep on the couch with the TV on.
The Body Image Plot Twist
Can we also talk about the fact that I was sitting there comparing my butt to a complete
stranger's?
Asking my husband if he REMEMBERED when mine looked "like that"?
Meanwhile this man is looking at me like I'm the only woman in the room, telling me he's "not
missing anything," and I'm over here conducting a full body audit.
The problem wasn't my body.
The problem was the story I was telling myself about my body.
Menopause, especially when your HRT isn't adjusted, messes with how we see ourselves. It
makes us hyperfocus on every change, every difference, every way we think we've "lost"
something.
But the people who love us? They're not making comparisons. They're not keeping scorecards.
They're just loving us. Exactly as we are.
What My Husband Did Right
He didn't sulk. He didn't take it personally. He didn't make me feel bad.
He just said, "Okay, raincheck. I'm holding you to it though."
And we laughed.
Because honestly? What else can you do when your mouth makes promises your hormones have
ZERO intention of keeping?
Plot Twist: Why My Mind Showed Up but My Body Didn't
Here's something important: The reason I even HAD mental libido at that dinner table is because
the day before, I added back a small piece of my old HRT brand - the one that actually works for my body.
My pharmacy had switched me to a different brand, and within days everything went offline.
Physically. Emotionally. Mentally.
The day before, I added back just a small amount of the brand that works.
And boom - mental libido returned. My brain woke up. My emotions came back online.
But my body? My body is still catching up.
That's what you saw at the dinner table: my mind arriving early to the party while my
body is still getting dressed.
The mind comes back first. The body follows. But it needs time.
I learned from trial and error that brand matters. And I can’t just assume "all estradiol patches are the same." For me they're not. And the difference between the right brand and the wrong one can be the difference between feeling like myself and feeling flatlined.
What I'm Learning
Mental desire ≠ Physical readiness
The Science Behind the Mind-Body Disconnect
After this experience, I did what I always do, I researched. And what I found helped me
understand what happened at that dinner table.
It turns out, what I experienced has been documented in medical research.
Studies show that during perimenopause and menopause, hormonal shifts can impact physical arousal even when a woman is mentally interested and connected with her partner. This creates a disconnect between the mental and physical aspects of the sexual experience.
Research clarifies an important distinction: sexual arousal (the physical state involving lubrication and other bodily responses) is different from libido (the desire or motivation for sex).
Many women experience situations where desire is present, but the physical arousal response doesn't follow.
In studies of surgically menopausal women specifically, researchers found that women receiving estrogen-testosterone preparations reported higher levels of sexual desire and arousal compared with women treated with estrogen alone or placebo. This demonstrates the direct connection between hormone levels and sexual response.
The research also documents that sexual function commonly changes during menopause, with 40-55% of women reporting low sexual desire. Declining levels of estrogen and testosterone play a significant role in how the body responds sexually.
What does this mean for the experience I had at dinner?
My mind showed up because I'd just added back a small amount of my working HRT brand the day before. Mental desire can return relatively quickly when estrogen starts coming back online.
Here's what's important to understand:
This wasn't about lubrication or pain. I didn't even get to the point of trying. My body's internal "readiness" signal , the spontaneous physical desire that says "yes, I want this” was completely offline.
It's like this: My mind was the ignition key, turned and ready to go. But my hormones were the battery … completely dead. The car wasn't going to start no matter how much I wanted it to.
I wasn't worried about whether sex would hurt. I wasn't concerned about lubrication.
I just knew, with absolute certainty, that my body's arousal system wasn't functioning. The "turn on" mechanism that should respond when you're attracted to someone, when you're emotionally connected, when you WANT intimacy?
It was flatlined.
That's what low estrogen does. It doesn't just affect lubrication. It affects the entire arousal circuitry in your body.
It's not "all in your head." It's not a relationship problem. It's not a character flaw.
It's hormones affecting the complex interplay between mind and body.
Especially when estrogen is playing hide and seek with your body.
I can want to WANT something and still not be physically ready to do it and that's okay. That's just hormones.
My body is responding exactly how bodies respond when hormones shift
It's just navigating a transition. And it needs support, the right HRT formulation, time to adjust, and a lot of grace.
Communication is everything I could have pretended everything was fine, gone home, and had an uncomfortable experience we both would have regretted. Instead, I said "raincheck" and we both went home, went to sleep, and woke up still loving each other.
This is hilarious and also totally normal if you can't laugh at your body betraying you in real-time, what can you laugh at?
The Real Talk
We need to normalize this conversation.
We need to talk about the gap between "I want to want this" and "my body is not cooperating."
We need to talk about how you can love your partner deeply and still have your body refuse to play along.
We need to talk about libido living in your head while your hormones are off doing their own thing somewhere else.
And we need to LAUGH about it.
Because the alternative is shame. And shame helps nobody.
Why I'm Sharing This (Even Though Someone Told Me Not To)
When I shared an early draft of this article with someone I love and trust, they said: "It's funny... but I wouldn't write that."
They didn't have to say more. I knew exactly what they meant.
Too personal. Too sexual. Too much. Too embarrassing.
And for a moment, I hesitated.
I'm in the middle of submitting policy proposals to establish Menopause Medicine as a medical
specialty. I'm reaching out to medical schools, federal agencies, and healthcare leaders. Should I really be posting an article like this?
Then my husband said something that changed my perspective: "You need to tell your truth."
And he's right.
Here's why this article, and others like it, matters more than being "appropriate":
The Sanitized Version of Menopause Advocacy Already Exists. It's Not Working.
We have clinical papers about "decreased libido" and "sexual dysfunction." We have pamphlets that mention "changes in intimacy." We have doctors who might ask "any issues with sexual activity?" during a 15-minute appointment.
What we DON'T have is honest conversations about:
The gap between wanting to want sex and your body refusing to cooperate the moment you promise intimacy and immediately realize your hormones have other plans.
The disconnect between mental desire and physical readiness.
How it feels to love your partner deeply and still have your body say "absolutely not."
That gap between clinical language and lived experience is exactly why women suffer in silence.
If I Can't Talk Honestly About Sexual Health Here, How Can I Ask Medicine to Take It Seriously?
I'm advocating for Menopause Medicine to become a recognized medical specialty. That specialty MUST include:
Sexual health and function
Libido and desire
The physical and emotional impact of hormone changes on intimacy
The relationship between HRT formulations and sexual response
If I'm not willing to talk about these issues honestly on my own advocacy platform…if I sanitize the conversation to make it "appropriate" then I'm part of the problem.
Evidence-based medicine requires evidence. And evidence includes what actually happens to women's bodies.
The Double Standard Is Real
Men talk about erectile dysfunction in prime-time commercials during football games. Male politicians have survived far more explicit scandals and still lead policy initiatives. Male doctors write bestselling books about sexual health and are called "groundbreaking."
But a woman honestly discussing how menopause affects her sexuality with her husband?
That's considered "too much."
No. That's called providing accurate information about a medical condition that affects millions of women.
Your Lived Experience Is Not Unprofessional—It's Your Credibility
When stakeholders read my proposals and then find my blog, they won't see someone who's guessing about what women need.
They'll see someone who's living it. Someone who experiences symptoms and sometimes doesn't even know they're connected to menopause.
Someone whose pharmacy switched HRT brands and watched her symptoms cascade. Someone who loves her husband, wanted to be intimate, and had her body refuse to cooperate.
That's not a liability. That's expertise born from experience.
This Is What Truth-Telling Looks Like
I'm not posting this article despite the fact that it's honest about sex and libido.
I'm posting it BECAUSE it's honest about sex and libido.
Because the women who need this information deserve better than euphemisms. Because menopause care will never improve if we keep pretending the uncomfortable parts don't exist.
Because my lived experience though it may be messy, funny, vulnerable, raw, real…is exactly what gives me the authority to demand better.
And yes—I'm embarrassed posting this.
Every single time I write about libido, about sexuality, about the intimate details of what menopause does to my body, I feel it. That flutter of "should I really say this?" That moment of"what will people think?"
I feel the same embarrassment you probably feel when you think about talking to your doctor or anyone else about these symptoms.
But here's what I've learned: Embarrassment is just fear dressed up as “proper behavior”.
And if I let embarrassment silence me, I'm letting it silence you too.
So, I write it anyway. I hit publish anyway. I tell my truth anyway.
Not because I'm fearless, but because the alternative…staying silent while women suffer…is worse than any embarrassment I might feel.
You're not alone in feeling embarrassed about these symptoms.
But you also don't have to stay silent because of that embarrassment.
We're going to talk about it honestly until the medical system finally listens to the real, raw truth and not the euphemisms.
Where I Am Now
I'm not a doctor. I'm a healthcare professional with 20 years of frontline mental health experience, a degree in Health Services Administration from the University of Central Florida,
and experience in healthcare management and insurance policy. I had surgical menopause in 2018 and started HRT in 2024.
I'm figuring this out in real time, just like you.
My pharmacy switched my HRT brand, my body said, "absolutely not," and now I'm working with my doctor to get back on the formulation that actually works for me.
In the meantime, I'm giving myself grace, communicating with my husband, and sharing these stories so you know you're not alone.
Because if I can make a promise at dinner and retract it before dessert arrives, you're probably not alone in whatever "oh crap, my body isn't cooperating" moment you're having either.
— Claudine
P.S. To the woman in the black jumpsuit: Your butt looked great. Thanks for inadvertently teaching me a lesson about hormones and humility.
P.P.S. To my husband: Raincheck still stands. Once my estrogen gets its act together, I am absolutely going to ride you like a jockey. I'm keeping that promise. Love you. ❤️
Sources:
Dr. Jolene Brighten. (2023). "Potential Impact of Perimenopause on Sexual Health and
Intimacy." Available online
Dennerstein L, et al. "Management of Libido Problems in Menopause." Primary
Psychiatry. Available at PMC
Nappi RE, et al. (2019). "Sexual Health in Menopause." Best Practice & Research
Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism. Available at PMC
Australasian Menopause Society. "Low Libido: the Psychological Aspect." Available